ME AND MY TV: SOME INTROSPECTION

I originally planned this post as a followup to my tale of television decluttering I began in my June 24 post. I expected I would have to do little more than announce a decision and a plan. But that's not the way it's turned out. Instead, I'm coming up with many more questions than answers as I look honestly at the role TV plays in my life. It may be that I'm overcomplicating the issue. But it strikes me that if I don't look deeply at things like this, I'm not paring down in any truly soulful or creative way. Instead, I'm just making obvious, knee-jerk, superficial changes. With that in mind, I've decided to let myself explore a little before making a decision.

The first thing I've done is make a list of television shows I really look forward to—programming that truly nurtures me in some way, and that I genuinely look forward to seeing. Assuming that all of these shows were running at once (which isn't usually true) they would add up to just about 26 hours of viewing a week.

I have to admit I'm really ambivalent about that number. One voice inside me says, "What? You call yourself a creative person, but you want to spend the equivalent of an entire day a week sitting in front of the tube?" Another says, "Hey. Considering that there is actually some decent stuff on TV and that you live alone, have a painful foot problem, and need a break from the books you work with all day, that's not too bad at all."

The intensity of that first, judgmental voice is a real surprise to me. There's a lot of harshness in it, and a lot of black and white thinking. From that viewpoint, all television is really, even shamefully, bad. I'm not really sure where that judgment comes from. I don't even believe it, consciously at least. Yes, some TV—even some of the TV I like—is purely and frankly junk. But some of it just as clearly isn't, and even some of the junk strikes me as perfectly fine as light entertainment. It's also interesting that I don't judge others and their TV watching with any of this mean-spirited condemnation. I know a lot of highly productive people who like TV, and it would never occur to judge them.

Another surprise is this. I've actually been watching a lot—and I do mean a lot—more than those 22 hours. Some of this extra TV time comes because I turn the set on as a kind of default pastime when I'm tired and bored. Some of it comes when I'm doing something else during this kind of TV time: filing, checking email, washing dishes, or doing some other task I find boring if done on its own. That kind of TV isn't really watching at all. It's mostly listening, as though the television is actually a radio I'm playing as background noise.

I'm not sure where any of this leaves me. With the questions I mentioned earlier, I guess. And the need for still more musing.
How and when does television nurture me? Are there things I could be doing that would nurture me more, or ways I could use TV itself in a more deeply refreshing and energizing way?

How and when do I use television unconsciously—sloppily, if you will? What triggers me to turn on "American Justice" or "Designed to Sell" in the background? What would it be like, doing the dishes to silence, or even to music? Is there something I'm not liking in the quiet, or something I'm drawn to in the background noise?

I'm not yet sure of the answers. I am sure, though, that the issue here isn't actually TV per se, but rather how I relax and refresh myself—or fail to.