Once you've chosen someone to play that role, here are some guidelines to help ensure that the process will go smoothly. I should clarify before I start that you don't need to have only one decluttering witness. It's fine, and maybe even wiser, to ask different people to help with different decluttering spaces, goals or tasks. That said:
1. Make sure it is your declutter witness is someone you really feel good about. This isn't the time to try to bond with anyone who seems half-hearted, much less derogatory, controlling, or negative.
2. Watch out for hidden, or not so hidden, agendas about stuff, prosperity, clutter and decluttering. Sometimes even the nicest friend or family member has a perspective that will sabotage your effort. To name one common example, a spouse who values useful items over sentimental ones might undermine your efforts to sort through family memorabilia by calling it all "crap" that should be "tossed." Another example would be a friend who saves box after box of possessions. Because she is likely struggling with her own shame and self-blame, she might reassure you that cramming your closets with stuff is just fine or encourage you not to tackle your own clutter until you have more energy or time. Good as your spouse's or friend's intentions may be, their personal agenda will sabotage your decluttering work. It's better to find someone who has a more neutral or open perspective.
3. Chose a manageable amount of stuff to work on. Part of the purpose of this exercise is to build a little self-confidence. Don't sabotage yourself by trying to tackle too much at once.
4. Set a clear, strict limit on your working time. Two to three hours is about the outside limit. One to two hours is better. Stop when you've planned to stop. Working on until your energy flags is a setup for failure.
5. Before the decluttering session begins, get very clear in your own mind what your goal is. Is it: to figure out what's actually in a pile of bins or boxes? Come up with a load of donations to be dropped off at the nearest Goodwill? Sort piles of miscellaneous stuff into categories? Clear out a particular closet or cupboard? Find items that belong to your ex-husband for delivery or discarding? The more specific and concrete you can be, the easier it will be to feel that you've succeeded.
6. Tell your witness clearly what you need and don't need. This is the sticking point for most of us. We hem and haw when it comes to—gasp! Heaven forbid—burdening someone else, so we tend to skip right over requests about what the help we're requesting actually looks like. Don't feel presumptuous or selfish being clear about your needs or limits; try to see your guidance as something that will help both you and your witness feel comfortable. Some sample requests follow. Though each is different, look how specific each one is.
I'd love it if you would pull out any papers you see and put them in this bin. Once they're together, I can bring them home and cull out what I still need. Right now, they're just too scattered to get clear on.
My goal today is just to see what's here, rather than make decisions. I know you'll probably want to encourage me to take action, but if you could hold off on that until next time I'd be grateful.
Would you be willing to be in charge of kids' clothing? I know there's a lot of stuff here that the kids have outgrown, and I'd like to go ahead and give it away. If you could pull out anything that's stained or torn, we can throw that away and bring the rest to the homeless shelter.
I know I've kept way too many old paints, brushes, and frames. I'd love it if you could play devil's advocate and challenge me when I lean toward keeping a lot of this stuff.
Aside from helping me shift a heavy box or two, I don't actually need you to do much. I just wanted your company to make the process more cheerful.7. Come prepared, especially if you are working in a place other than your home. A basic declutter toolkit might include trash bags, boxes, packing tape, scissors, markers, paper on which to write lists or reminders, and a couple of bottles of drinking water. A digital camera is also a great help, allowing you to photograph items you might want to sell or need someone else's permission/feedback on.
8. Build in a little celebration or reward at the end. Take your witness for coffee, a drink or a meal when you finish. Go to the beach to watch the sunset once you drop off the items you decided to donate. Call a third party who will understand what you've accomplished.
If you have other guidelines that might help your fellow creative declutterers and/or stories about how "the warmth of witness" helped you declutter, I'd love to share them! Just add them by clicking on "comments," below.
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